When it comes to dating, nagivating the scene as a lesbian / queer woman can often be extremly confusing. I remember entering the scene for the first time as a baby dyke, this overwhelming thought of “I have no idea what i’m doing” always lingered around and I felt so lost in a world full of confident beautiful women.
As a “Professional Lesbian” over on Lestalk Podcast, I’ve realised that all of these worries, doubts and niggling thoughts were perfectly normal. We’re not expected to know everything and exploring the LGBTQ+ dating scene can be so fun.
You don’t have to change your apperance
When I came out, I had this urge to change everything about myself to be “accepted” as a lesbian, or even acknowledged that I was gay. As a femme presenting queer woman, one of my first experiences in a queer space was a big ole dyke telling me “I’ll go back straight” in a few weeks.
6 years later with a long-term girlfriend, I’m still gay and in the end, I realised I didn’t have to change my whole apperance to get the attention of fellow lesbians. Whilst it’s perfectly okay to change your hair, style and so on. Just know that you don’t change to be a popular with the ladies.
Read the room
Just like any awkward dating moments, there will be people who simply won’t be into you. Whether it be online or offline, people make it very clear when they’re just not interested. It could be in the form of:
- Ghosting
- Slow Replies
- Short/Blunt Responses
& so on. I met my girlfriend online and before I found her, I spoke to many queer women who were simply just not interested. Protect yourself and save your energy for mrs right who could be just around the corner.
Don’t hold back
Sometimes we get in our own way of love and be the reason why dating isn’t going well for us. As someone who experienced major interalised homophobia, I found dating a girl extemly hard and at the lowest point, I broke the relationship off because it suffocated my way of thinking.
In the end, I had to let everything go and I left all those ill-feelings in the past. Sometimes putting yourself out there and not allowing external factors dictate your life, can open the door to some amazing experiences.
Now, I’m no dating guru but hopefully these tips have reminded you to always choose you. You may not be everyones cup of tea and there many be things going on inside that you can’t yet explain, but you don’t have to have it all figured just yet.
Go play the field and find the love of your life, I believe in you!
Writer: Charl Summers – She/Her – Professional Lesbian and Lestalk Podcast and Founder of Unite
